Man Finds Out His Child Isn’t His After Paternity Test, He Leaves Them Both, Sparking Controversy About Parenting

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Aug 23, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. The topic of paternity tests is gaining more and more popularity all the time. 50 years ago, I don't think it even occurred to men to get a paternity test. It means a lot for the state of our culture; cheating at one time in history was almost a given, and you stay in your marriage for the sake of survival. Now, cheating is an all encompassing act that leaves someone feeling so betrayed and unfulfilled. We transpose our identity onto our partners in a way we never have before. 

This brings us to the Reddit piece. This man finds out his kid isn't his. Now, I understand the shock and trauma, and even wanting to leave your wife, but to abandon your own child? Even if he knows his kid isn't biologically his, he's still raised the child from birth. It's a bit heartless if you ask me. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH 5 mo. ago Alternative_Sir3328 AITAH for revoking paternity for a child that's not mine?
    via u/ Alternative_Sir3328
  • 02
    Basically it's what the title says. I (28m) I am/was in a relationship with a woman(28F) and we had a child that's now 4 years old together, or so I thought. I realized recently that the child had brown eyes and we both have blue eyes. Don't know why it crossed my mind now but it did, and it prompted me to do a paternity test for the boy. Well
    via u/ Alternative_Sir3328
  • 03
    the first one came back negative. I did another one just to be sure and the other one was negative as well.
    via u/ Alternative_Sir3328
  • 04
    Least to say, I was devastated but I kept it to myself for 2 weeks. But to me, the trauma of this discovery changed things. The feelings for my ex GF turned to hatred and I don't know why, but towards the child, it's like I've just gone numb and I have resented any time I've had to spend with the child. I'm aware the childs not
    via u/ Alternative_Sir3328
  • 05
    at fault, and I wish it no harm, but this realization changed something fundamental with my emotions.
    via u/ Alternative_Sir3328
  • 06
    I've thought about the situation long and hard about this situation and realized I don't wanna do it. I did not consent to raising another man's child, I don't want to spend years feeling like , raising someone else's child.
    via u/ Alternative_Sir3328
  • 07
    So 3 days ago I confronted her. She broke down and so did I and she admitted she had a fling on her girls vacation but she didn't know I wasn't the father. She understood I wanted to break up with her, but when I told her I would seek to revoke paternity and break off contact with the child she got mad. She said I had
    via u/ Alternative_Sir3328
  • 08
    a responsibility for the boy, that he loved me and I should still be a father to him. I said no and she got mad so I felt I better remove myself from the situation and went to my buddy's house were I have been staying
    via u/ Alternative_Sir3328
  • 09
    Now we live in Sweden and I know I can petition for the court to revoke paternity and it's not like the child will starve or anything, we have a functioning social safety net. And for the relationship with the boy, I just don't feel like I want it anymore, don't know why but my feelings aren't there anymore. I feel like
    via u/ Alternative_Sir3328
  • 10
    I've been conned. As I said, I did not consent to raise somebody else's child. My buddies are all on my side but my mother thinks I should think about the boy. So Reddit, Am I the
    via u/ Alternative_Sir3328
  • 11
    Edit: I saw some people commenting about the use of IT to describe a child. It's a mistranslation from my part. Using "neutral form" for a child is not considered bad or dehumanizing in Swedish. I did not realize the connotation it would have in English.
    via u/ Alternative_Sir3328
  • 12
    bushiboy1973 • 5mo ago NTAH I mean, I feel for the kid, I really do, but NOT your problem anymore. And I live in Sweden too! We should get together and make horrible remarks about our cheating exes!
    via u/bushiboy1973
  • 13
    [.5mo ago Edited 5mo ago NTA. My heart breaks for the child, but any trauma he suffers is 100% her fault. You do not owe anything to anyone and it's your right to get on with your life unencumbered by either of them, neither emotionally nor financially.
    via u/[.
  • 14
    Substantial-Air3... 5mo ago NTA - I think women who dupe men into raising a child, that's not their own, should be prosecuted, and I'm a woman.
    via u/Substantial-Air3
  • 15
    Grid1992.5mo ago NTA as others have said. One thing I will add though is don't be afraid to maybe get some counselling/therapy for I yourself. That's a of a thing to go through and there is nothing wrong
    via u/Grid1992
  • 16
    about needing some help to process it all. It may even be worth doing this before you revoke paternity.
    via u/Grid1992
  • 17
    Dry-Measureme... 5mo ago NTA - Definitely NTA. I would be furious. You are doing the right thing by not continuing to pretend. It isn't that you don't care for the child it is that the child was a fundemental pawn in a huge betrayal to your trust. There is going to be
    via u/Dry-Measureme
  • 18
    resentment there and it would be unfair to the child for you to be forced into. that situation. You resenting the child, not for anything they did but because of the situation, would not be good for his development. The mother needs to find the father if she can.
    via u/Dry-Measureme
  • 19
    RNGinx3 5mo ago NTA. I wish my country had a "functioning social safety net;" too many men are roped into paying for a child. that isn't theirs because the law thinks it's "in the best interest of the child." As if forcing a man to raise a child that isn't his and resent
    via u/RNGinx3
  • 20
    them is "best for them." I read one just a few days ago where guy got stuck paying child support till the child was 21, her full college tuition, and spousal support since his ex was a SAHM.
    via u/RNGinx3
  • 21
    She cheated, let her figure out how to get in touch with her baby daddy and how to raise a child on her own. You never had a responsibility to him because you were never his father. SHE had a responsibility, to him and to you, and she blew it.
    via u/RNGinx3

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